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A general definition of interpersonal communication refers to the ability to relate to people in both verbal and non-verbal communication settings. In this increasingly competitive world, the ability to communicate your opinion and points of view effectively is paramount. Strong communication skills help you to excel in different environments when you are faced with different situations and have to interact with a variety of people. It helps to inspire self confidence, assertiveness, self-belief, credibility and respect. Experts recognise the fact that successful people are the ones that are able to communicate effectively – and we at PIH do as well. The ability to communicate effectively is quintessential. People that are able to bring across their ideas, thoughts and thinking process clearly, crisply and succinctly are best able to capture people’s attention, convince them, sell the product (or the service, or the idea) and seal the deal. The ability to bring across your own ideas also helps you to connect better with people, share thoughts, generate discussions, improve understanding and decision-making, get buy-in, spark creativity, gain respect, reduce or eliminate misunderstandings and increase confidence. Verbal communication Your choice of words, intonation and voice projection are the main components that make up your verbal communication. A strong and firm voice projection brings across confidence and assertiveness, while intonation can convey emotions of anger, happiness, doubt and others. For example, you would say “yes” with an oomph after finding out that you won first prize in a competition; you would also say “yes” with a doubtful question mark at the end of it if a stranger knocks at your door. Interestingly, what you say and how you say it will only account for less than 10% of your overall communication. The major component of communication is non-verbal communication, as we will see in the sections below. Body language Nonverbal communication, or more commonly known as body language, plays a big part in effective communication. Humans are visual animals so what we see gives us a lot more input as compared to what we hear. About 90% of our daily face-to-face communications are non-verbal. It tells the other party that you are assertive and confident, while making him or her feel comfortable when they are interacting with you. Body language consists of a few areas. Eye contact ranks as one of the most important aspects, and maintaining eye-to-eye contact with the person you are speaking with shows that you are giving your undivided attention, that you are sincere and engaged, and that you are interested in what the other person is saying. The importance of looking the other party in the eye, whether in a business or personal setting, cannot be over-emphasised. Shifty eyes tend to communicate guilt; looking around shows disinterest, and downward looking eyes might indicate shyness or admission of guilt. Since misunderstandings might arise especially if you did not intend to communicate these emotions, the best thing to do is still to maintain firm eye-to-eye contact. In certain instances, some people try to use eye contact as a “power-play” technique. For example, your boss might look at your eyebrows when talking to you, as a signal to show that he or she is “above you” in status or rank. Others might also not look you in the eye, or fixate their gaze on a particular part of your body, like the tip of your shoulder or the 3rd button of your shirt. The trick is not to feel intimidated or retaliate in any way. The best method is to keep looking them in the eye and try to establish eye contact. Once you have done that, try to keep that eye contact. You will often find that the other party either becomes embarrassed or starts to give you more respect (read eye-to-eye contact) when they understand that you will not stand for being treated as lower class. The alternative is to look intently into your own notepad or focus on writing without looking up (if you are holding reading material), or show the other person what you have written or brought along so that both of you have a common visual to look at. The next most visual aspect would be your arms. Many people find that they have no idea where to put their arms, especially in formal or difficult settings. For example, during a presentation, some wrongly put their hands in their pockets and play with coins or keys which can be a presentation killer. During a heated negotiation, some might cross their arms across their chests, which (correctly or incorrectly) signal a defensive or hostile stance. In certain cultures, waving of arms and specific hand actions (for example, a praying action with both palms facing each other) are part and parcel of everyday conversation, while it might be considered rude or aggressive in other cultures to use hand signals or wave your hands in the air while speaking. This makes cross-cultural communication even more challenging. We suggest what we consider as a few generally acceptable ways of “arm-etiquette”: 1. During a casual conversation, always place your arms in a relaxed position. You can avoid awkwardness by holding a drink, a notepad, writing material, a file, or by holding on to something. Just remember not to play or fiddle around with whatever you are holding, as this might sometimes be construed as rude or convey boredom. Avoid folding your arms across your chest as this might be mistakenly interpreted as a defensive, “stay away from me” stance. 2. During formal discussions, place your arms on the arm-rest of the chair you are sitting on. You can also put them on the table with your fingers on each hand criss-crossed with each other, although in some cultures this might be perceived as rude (especially if you are talking to more senior people) so be more cautious when using this method. If speaking with more senior people (in terms of rank, position or age), you might want to keep your hands behind your back or hanging clasped directly in front of you. 3. During a stand-up presentation, you have much more freedom. We encourage you to use your arms to express your key points and to bring your presentation more to life. Being more expressive with your arms will also help to engage your audience better as you will give them a better visual. Otherwise, you can also opt to place one hand in the pocket with the other pointing to the screen, clicking the mouse or pressing the keyboard. Another more formal way would be to place your arms in front of you at stomach level with your right hand clasped above your left hand, although this is a tiring position to sustain for a long period of time. Body posture is also important. How you stand and carry yourself makes a big difference to the delivery of what you have to say. In all instances, always have a straight, upright posture – research shows that people are more likely sit up and listen to what you have to say if you keep an erect, graceful posture. Alternatively, lean forward as a gesture of interest - that you are interested in hearing more of what the other party has to say. When speaking with someone, do not angle your body but face that person directly. Angling your body away gives a distant, aloof and unsociable feeling. Smile and the world smiles back. We recommend a big wide smile in most instances, because a nice, sincere smile can go a long way. It softens the other party’s defences and makes you more approachable and less confrontational, no matter what you are going to say next. Of course, smiles might not be suitable in certain contexts, like serious union negotiations to lay off workers or when meeting your boss to discuss the reasons for the decrease in your sales figures for last month. But in general, smiling helps in most situations. Practice smiling in front of your mirror. Take or observe photos of yourself smiling and decide what gives you that nice, soft smile. Smile more today when meeting people and see what difference that makes in your interactions. Once you have mastered your own body language, the next step is to interpret other people’s body language. Remember, effective communication is always two-way. Besides being able to deliver, you must also be able to receive and observe. Use the points above as a guide. For example, if the person you are speaking to has shifty eyes, it might be because he does not believe what you are telling him. If he or she is looking around while talking to you at a party, he or she might be looking for someone else more interesting to talk to (sad but true!). If the person has her body facing away from you, she might need to rush off somewhere else more important. By looking out for these subtle cues, you would be able to more effectively determine the nature of your communication (whether it is effective, worth your time and effort, how much detail should be put into the conversation, etc). Other aspects Listening is a vital skill for any communicator. The importance of being a good listener cannot be further emphasised, but many of us fail to acquire this skill. Many people interrupt with their own points of view, similar experiences, or go off on a tangent talking about themselves, a related topic, or something else totally unrelated. If you have been on the receiving end of such a situation (which is very likely), then you will know that such behaviour is extremely annoying. You are usually unable to get your points across to someone like that. A good listener not only hears what the other party has to say, but assimilates the information and uses this information effectively. A good listener is able to continue the conversation by using available information to probe further, drill down and find out what the problems are (if any) or where they lie, and resolve any issues, concerns or address needs effectively. Always try to focus on the important points of the conversation and try to blot out the “noise” or irrelevant stuff. This is also difficult to do and comes with experience, but the ability to “hear only the important stuff” is a good skill to develop. Another trademark of a good listener is also the ability to concentrate on what the other party is saying at the moment, and not to appear to be listening but actually developing our own thoughts and formulating solutions in our own heads. We often try to prepare what to say next in retort or retaliation, which distracts us from our main task of listening. Our desire to speak or interject also erodes or eliminates our ability to listen intently, which is what we should have solely focussed on in the first place. Communication literature tells us that humans crave to understand and to be understood, and the best way to understand someone is to listen to what they have to say. Being a good listener makes the other person feel that you care, you are interested and you respect their points of view. This in turn gives you credibility to speak, advice or give comments. Read Communication Secrets of Powerful People: How to Smash the 12 Communication Barriers of Relationships to Be a Charismatically Persuasive People Magnet for more powerful insights into listening skills.
The author, Joshua, used to be an 8 hour-a-day computer gaming addict. He would spend most of his day playing computer games and so his communication skills greatly suffered. The program contains the 12 communication barriers he discovered and formulated from the many books, audio programs, articles, and personal experiences that smashed down the most common problems people have in communication. In this book are the 12 communication barriers people use that blocks them from persuading, becoming charismatic, and building strong relationships. Some of the 12 communication barriers are not so surprising (like criticism) but others are shocking. The barriers are split into three sections: 1) judging, 2) solving, and 3) avoiding. The 12 barriers in these 3 sections prevent you from building rock-solid relationships, changing people's minds, and boosting your charisma. Once the barriers get removed, you connect with people like they have never experienced before with another human. There is true power in the communication barriers. Joshua also offers an interesting bonus that complements the program nicely. The bonus is a workbook that helps get you maximum results. In it are worksheets and more than 40 exercises to "put rubber on the road" so you quickly develop powerful communication skills. Most communication books are impractical, but this program is all about helping you improve your communication for permanent change. Overall, the program is possibly the highest quality communication skills program ever seen online. It has taken Joshua over 1000 hours to develop and contains hundreds of research-proven communication strategies blended into a professional writing style not seen in most ebooks. We at PIH highly recommend the program which you can check out by clicking here. The handshake – yes, THE handshake. This is one of the most important aspects for creating a first impression when meeting a business associate, an job interviewer, a prospective client or a date; but often done wrong or badly. THE handshake, especially for the first time, has to be firm. Grab the other person’s hand fully and shake it firmly with moderate strength. Grabbing the other person’s hand halfway shows disrespect and does not inspire confidence; shaking lightly gives a feeling that you are a lightweight and does not convey a secure feeling; shaking too hard only hurts the other person. A firm handshake gives a sense of confidence, security, assertiveness, and enthusiasm. It also helps the other person remember you better thus giving a better first impression, which goes a long way towards establishing rapport and establishing it quickly. Distance also plays a part. Yes, even how far or near you stand to a person when speaking to him or her will affect the quality of your communication. If you stand too close, you might literally be too close for comfort. The other party might feel threatened because you are perceived as invading his or her personal space, or feel that you are being too aggressive or pushy. If you stand too far away, then you might be perceived as too cold or formal. Often times it is down to your own judgement in different situations – if you see the other person feeling discomfort with your proximity, you might wish to step back a little. If you are not able to effectively engage, then you might want to consider reducing the interpersonal distance. With strangers, new friends, new clients or new business associates, you could also always start by being a little further away, then start to narrow the gap gradually when the conversation starts going or when you start to build a little rapport. The concept of personal space also varies between cultures so if you are in a foreign country make sure you observe what the locals do and follow likewise. Recommended resources 1. A highly recommended resource is Communication Secrets of Powerful People: How to Smash the 12 Communication Barriers of Relationships to Be a Charismatically Persuasive People Magnet.
Author Joshua Uebergang, aka “Tower of Power”, delivers a convincing ebook that teaches you how to communicate powerfully, charismatically and persuasively. His recommended system solves the communication barriers, the roadblocks you encounter that stop you from intimately, charismatically, and powerfully connecting with people - and provides you with more than 100 people-magnetic, communication skills. What we like about this system is the focus on developing charisma and the ability to persuade and influence. Almost everyone wants to be accepted and liked by people; many of us would certainly also like to be popular and well-liked, and be perceived as natural, charismatic centres of influence (COI) that everyone listens to. Being able to communicate effectively and react appropriately are good foundational skills to learn, but learning to develop persuasion skills and charisma is an excellent step forward in helping an individual to achieve more personal success in life.
3. Library of Effective Communication More resources 1. Liveperson.com
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